WELCOME INSATIABLE READER!
This is my inaugural blog, and YOU are the first to see it! Exciting, right? Okay, maybe more for me than you; however, this is where you’ll find my innermost thoughts about most things. Things like life, death, love, sex, philosophy, psychology (lots of “ologies”), and LOTS of laughs. I love to laugh.
I came up with a few topics to get us started, so I’ll jump right in with the first one…
LIFE AS I KNOW IT
Marriage/Relationships are all about love, devotion, and teamwork. (Giggle)
After twenty-five years of marriage, I can only conclude that marriage is more like a rollercoaster of fun and terror than a ride off into the sunset. I thought my husband and I would want the same things all the time, and he would concede to all my requests and desires. (Most, but not all.) That we would want to make all our decisions together, equally, with love in our hearts, except he annoyed me more and more as the days went on. I assumed we would spend our evenings together snuggling on the couch and having sex in every room of the house. (Again, most, but not all.)
Our beginnings, however, were filled with more practical things. Things like rituals that gave my husband structure and myself fits of annoyance. He would walk into the house exhausted from work, give me a quick peck on the lips and drop his briefcase. Then he had to open and respond to the mail, instead of eating the hot meal I had ready to go on the table. (I tied to be June Cleaver. I failed.) Then he had to change clothes, check his email, and empty the garbage, yadda, yadda, yadda. Do you see my point about minor annoyances that grate on you? I, of course, was perfect;) One of my biggest blessings was that my wonderful husband rarely pointed out one of my many imperfections. He knew that I was aware of them and beat myself up enough that he didn’t need to help. It’s one of the primary reasons I married him. He adored me. I am one of the lucky ones.
There are so many highs and lows of happiness and grief that I’ve felt like a yo-yo at times. I like to think of happiness as a continuum of No happiness — Elation. The goal is to have more periodic blips of joy and delight than blips of sadness and grief. No one can be happy or sad continuously, so I focus mostly on large helpings of gratitude to fortify my happiness diet. When my rollercoaster plummets downward, I focus on everything I have, instead of what I don’t. It slows the fall dramatically. I play the devil’s advocate and remind myself that if I had “X,” I most likely wouldn’t have “Y.” That’s an eye-opener.
You’ve heard the phrase, “Without darkness, there would be no light.” So is the way of relationships. They get more difficult before they get easier. There is absolutely no substitute for hard work…daily…to achieve your shared goals. (And, personally, for that matter.) Complacency is the “kiss of death” to a relationship and should be avoided at all costs. Even though the mundane can grate on you, finding joy in it elevates your spirit and pushes off the annoyance of having to do stuff around your house you think someone else should be doing. (And, you are not wrong to believe that, just try not to dwell on it.)
I thought marriage was just about commitment. In fact, it’s more about grit and laughter. Stick-to-a-tiveness when the going gets tough, perseverance to keep the big picture of what we were trying to build in our sights at all times, and a strong desire to laugh off everything we did wrong. “Oops! We should have called a real plumber instead of this so-called handyman.” “Don’t tell Daddy Mommy screeched the tires.” “I knew we shouldn’t have moved three months before the housing market sky-rocketed.”
I thought I knew exactly what I wanted from my marriage when we both said “I do,” but we really didn’t. Honestly, we are an ever-changing entity. Our annoyances with one another haven’t really gone away so much as they have faded into the woodwork. They just don’t matter in the big scheme of things anymore. Our goals have solidified, but we still disagree on occasion where to spend our money, but the voracity we fought to get what we wanted has dissipated, too. Instead, we fight together to improve our communication, share our innermost feelings, and find joy in a love that will endure. What hasn’t changed from day one is our laughter. We laugh at everything! We laugh at each other, at life, at politics, at stupidity, at TV shows, at how lucky we are, and that God brought us together to be better as a couple than being alone. And, for that, I am truly grateful. NOW GO READ MY BOOK!
(More things I thought I knew, but didn’t next time!)
TTFN,
Beth